My last post, several months ago, was about how it’s okay to mess up once in a while, gain weight, not try for a day or so, which is all well and good.  Except not so much.

Seeing as that was the last thing I wrote here for like, a quarter of a year, it’s apparent I used that attitude to give myself a break.  Yes it’s okay to make mistakes from time to time, but it’s not okay, I think, to not hold yourself accountable.

In October, I weighed 168.  Now I’m 178.  Actually, I was 178 by the end of September, and I’ve been maintaining that (by the grace of God, really) since then.

I’ve lost my warrior sparkle, a little bit.  I’m still motivated, but I don’t go for it like I should.  I liked changing for the better every week.  I liked people telling me how skinny I was almost every day.  Now what I’m lacking in exercise, I make up for in ridiculous food choices.  I need to start moving again.

It’s not just that I stopped caring—I do care, very much.  It’s the busyness that killed me.  Between school, homework, work, interning, boyfriend, etc, I hardly had time to get to our gym, or to cook for myself at all.

My initial goal was a healthy BMI by my 22nd birthday.  That’s 35 days away, and I’ve got 20lbs to lose.  That rate is a little unhealthy, but that doesn’t mean I get to give up.  Love always perseveres.